Τετάρτη, 29 Ιανουαρίου 2014

There are no great parents





I read this somewhere and it sure resonated wirth me:

'' I have a theory that there is no such thing as a “great parent”. There is only such a thing as a horrific parent and a normal parent.

Normal parents are good some of the time and bad some of the time. The best parents have a few better moments than the rest of us. But there are NO great parents.

 And if someone reads this and posts about how great their parents were. Well I would say you just happen to be a kid who was a fit somehow. Your parents got lucky and so did you. Give them a different kid with a different issue… or ask your sibling how great they are…


Loved this.

No great parents, just normal parents
.
Parents who love a lot, scream and yell a lot, encourage at times, at others criticise, make stupid parental mistakes but also have moments of intense bliss when feeling they are getting it right. And everything in between. 

And those who claim or are deemed as great parents?

Nope, no such thing. Only parents who are good at hiding stuff, thus showing off only the glam side of parenting. And since nobody knows how much  of their triumphs and tragedies a parent is sharing or hiding, really there is absolutely no way to tell.


I was very much a good fit for my father's parental style but not at all a good one for my mother's. Or my sister's and brothers, who all three of them were over a decade older than me and helped raise me in a way. I felt alien to most of the ways they related to me, but still loved them all to bits, especially my mum, whose raising of me I often considered as harsh and lacking in tenderness in my teenage years, when I didn't know any better. 

But hey, did that make her not a great parent?

No, it didnt, because like I said, there are no great parents, just normal parents who love their kids, and parents who are horrible and a mess and either do not love their kids or their love has traits of sickness in it.

Either case, dont try to shove your parental style into me.
At best, its just a variation of normal, different or similar to mine, according to your values and perception of the world.

Also, do not try to lead me or your parents down the guilt lane for not being a great parent and for making a ton of parental mistakes. If physical and mental abuse and neglect is excluded, chances are, they/we are all normal parents who love and care for their kids as best they can.

Not being a good fit with your parent or kid is ok.
It teaches you respecting differences in individuals and loving unconditionally. 

Noone said we should all be perfectly suited to one another and if you can accept that for other kinds of relationships, what makes you think it doesnt hold true for parent-child dynamics?

Love and mutual respect are enough when it comes to raising healthy, balanced kids and having  parents that remain sane and balanced.

Leave greatness and perfection to other planes of existence.
You aint gonna find them down here.



2 σχόλια:

  1. Totally agree. And totally wish that a lot of the parents that reckon they've got it 'right' would fess up about their shadows, so we can all stop shaming ourselves…..

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  2. exactly my point, thank you for articulating this so well, Hellena!

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