I woke up with a sudden jolt.
I had been having a nightmare.I thought I was in a mental hospital and doctors were experimenting on me.I remember experiencing in rapid succession the terror of the nightmare,the relief of waking up and snapping out of it and the perplexity of realising there was something off.I found myself in what looked like a place (dimension?) where it was not dark,there was a pleasant daytime-like light.And yet I had this weird feeling that I hadn't moved an inch from my bed .
At first I thought I was about to have an astral travel experience.I remember thinking to myself that this was unusual,as I 'd never had an OBE (Out Of Body Experience) if I went to bed tired.And boy,was I tired the night before!I had been working my butt off for months to get my new business going.Having back then (8 years ago )3 young kids to take care of and a husband away abroad all summer working as a tour guide,I had a lot on my plate.Next day was to be the opening day and I still wasn't done with the preparations.(I had yet to master the fine art of delegating of which I am now an expert,just ask my teachers!!) So I had gone to bed exhausted,feeling lonely and sorry for myself.
But there I was,wide awake in the middle of the night,in a space within space(I can't describe it any other way,because it felt like I was still in my room and yet not quite there) and my late father was standing right in front of me.
My father died in his sixties when I was fifteen.I was his youngest child,he had me in his early fifties.We shared a special bond.As he was a pensioner he had lots of free time and he used to spent it with me.He would practically take me everywhere he went when I was a child.
I was devastated when he died (in his sleep),more so because I didn't get to say good bye.I was in summer camp which I hated,I only went there to please my mother.On the day before his death he insisted to my mum that they should pay me a visit in camp.She thought it was a bad idea because it was not a visiting day and I would be back home in a couple of days anyway.
I didn't shed a tear in front of other people,not when I was hastily summoned home,nor when I sat right next to his open coffin at home for hours(this is the customary ''grieving time'' here),nor during the funeral.But for years afterwards I would obsess about what it was that he wanted to tell me on that last day before he died;was it a goodbye or more?I never got to tell him how much I loved him,I was too much of a typical teenager to do that!I would dream of him often,sad,confused variations of the same dream:him going off to some place,me imploring him not to leave or at least take me with him.
But this was certainly not a dream,my eyes were wide open and I was staring at my father.I immediately noticed a few weird things:
-I was looking at a much younger version of my father,not as I remembered him,not even as he looked like in old pictures of his youth.He was in his prime,somewhere around 30 to 35 I guess,a really dignified version of him.Though I've never seen him like that before,I instantly new it was him and I was overwhelmed with joy.He was wearing an off-white,yellowish suit and unusual shoes.I paid particular attention to those because he seemed to be standing a little higher than me,just a few feet only,not floating,just higher up.
-We started talking to each other not with words but through our hearts.It wasn't telepathy and I can't really explain this but it seemed that there were no actual words involved ,more like feelings that can be translated into actual words.I asked him why he looked like that.He said:''Here we can be and look whatever we want''.
-He also 'told' me that he was there for me and that he would stay with me for as long as I wished.To be sure our time together seemed to last for many hours.I remember basking in the warmth and comfort of his presence to my heart's content.When it was over and he left I felt like we've been together for hours and hours on end.I don't know whether in that dimension time lapsed differently or he made it last longer or the quality of the experience itself made it seemed so.All I do know is that he left when I felt content and full and happy.
When I was back to normal I realised that in terms of our time no more than a few minutes had passed since he first appeared to me.Of course I didn't get to glance at the clock on the wall-it was pitch dark-but being awake the whole time meant that I did have some sense of time,a weird feeling really,like being aware of both timelines at the same time.
-The thing that made the strongest impression on me was the fact that I couldn't see my father's eyes.He had beautiful blue eyes,always half smiling,always full of kindness.But on that night I could not see his eyes no matter how hard I tried.I could see his face,I even inspected his chin (looked like when one hasn't shaved for a few days) but not his eyes.It was as if there was a kind of soft fog deliberately there to prevent me from looking into his eyes.
For many years to come I kept wondering why that was so until I recently stumbled on this site(I can't for the life of me find the link) about a well-known 19th centurty yogi that used to cover both or one of his eyes;he was so enlightened that his body had aquired its glorified state while he was still alive.The light in his eyes was so strong that when he uncovered them his disciples could't bear the blinding sight.This makes some sense as eyes are windows to the soul.My father was certainly not an enlightened yogi but he was the kindest,most warm-hearted and considerate man you could ever meet.
-Wherever we were at the time,we both had a body,something that could be felt and touched or at least something that was perceived that way. He wasn't a ghost or an apparition,of that I am 100% sure.When he was about to leave,he leaned over and hugged me for a long time,one tight,full-body hug that made me feel more loved than ever in my life.
- When he did leave,he didn't walk away or disappear or vanish,I didn't even leave myself,he just...went up,for lack of more suitable words.It was something very subtle,like when a frame from a movie changes.I realised I was still in my bed and had been the whole time,as if I was watching some kind of movie but I somehow managed to get into that movie and take part in it and then I got back to normal again.
-Just like my astral travel experiences I was left with a feeling of inexplicable joy when it was over.I sat up in bed,basking in that golden understanding of what had just happened to me,reliving it for a few times and then I went back to sleep feeling euphoric.Our opening day sure was a success the next day!
Looking back I now realise that it was my feeling lonely and helpless at a particularly important moment in my life-my dream of having my own business finally coming true-that attracted my beloved father to me.He was the most compassionate of men,forever doing small and big acts of kindness for friends and relatives,even total strangers.Even death itself could not keep him from turning up when his own daughter needed some comfort.
Ever since that divine encounter with my father my perception of life and death and afterlife changed forever.Funny thing is,I don't even need to convince anyone of afterlife or convert people to my way of thinking like I used to before this happened.I am just happy and relaxed in that special knowing,humbly realising that it is a knowledge available to anyone,anytime.Just the ways and the time of coming to this realisation differ for each one of us
photos from here
Love,Peace and Divine Light
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