Κυριακή, 9 Ιουνίου 2013

Your Life Sucks, That's Why You're On Facebook








Your Life Sucks.
  

That's Why You're On Facebook.



If your life didnt suck, you wouldn't be on Facebook in the first place.

You'd be offline.

Living your life instead of talking about it or analysing it or posting about it or spying on other people's lives.



Yes, your life sucks. 

Big Time.

That's why you are looking for a subtitute of real living.

A virtual life that (supposedly) doesn't suck as much as your offline life.



''But wait'' ,you say. ''My life doesnt suck.''

 ''Look at all those posts/pictures of me/my life 
as evidence of how fabulous a time I'm having/
how wealthy/tasteful/adventurous/wise/educated/well-informed/
welldressed/sexy/pretty/handsome/romantic/popular/enlightened/
active/supportive of a special cause I am!''

 ''See how great my life is?''



No, it isn't.

And no, you are not.

It's like being a lady.



If you have to say you are a lady or ,worse, insist of proving it, then most definitely you are not.

If you insist on showing us evidence of what a fabulous time you're having/
how wealthy/tasteful/adventurous/wise/educated/well-informed/
welldressed/sexy/pretty/handsome/romantic/popular/enlightened/
active/supportive of a special cause you are, 

then most definitely

you are none of the above!



Admit it.


Your life sucks, that's why you are on Facebook.



''But wait'' ,you say again. 

''What about all those rich/famous/notorious/influential big shot people that have such high ranking facebook pages? ''

''They do show us evidence of their glam/alternative/happy lifestyle all the time, don't they? Surely, their life doesnt suck?'' 



I've got news for ya, my friend.

They, the rich, the famous, the notorious, the big shots, do not maintain facebook pages.

They have media coordinators -especially assigned hired hands, that is- to do so for them.

They, the rich, the famous, the notorious, the big shots, are too busy living a life that doesnt suck to be on facebook.

So they have hired assistants-whose life sucks as much as yours- to be on facebook and maintain their online presence.



Whereas, 

 you are on Facebook because your life sucks.



''But wait'' ,you object again.

''I am on facebook every once in a while, it's not like I spend that much of a time here!'' 



OK then, let me rephrase the axiom:

''On any given moment that you are on Facebook, be it all the time, frequently, or sometimes, rest assured that on that given moment your life sucks.''

That's why you are on Facebook on that moment.



''But wait'' ,you go again.
( I wish you'd stop saying that you know, it's started getting on my nerves).
'' I know  many people whose life sucks and yet they are not on Facebook''.


True. But that doesnt prove a thing, you know.

Whether your life sucks and you are on facebook 
or whether your life sucks and you are not on facebook, 

your life still sucks.




No, you are not on facebook

-because you'd like to make a connection
-because you'd like to share things
-because you'd like to inform the unenlightened
-because you 'd like to keep in touch with new and old friends
-because you'd like to attract a niew aydience or prospective customers for your service or product
-because you are vain and like to be admired
-because you like spying and trolling on other people's lives
-because you 'd like some fun and flirting
-because you wonna make your ideas and thoughts known
-because you like it and it's so addictive

No, you are not on facebook for any of the above reasons.

Those are the pretex.


YOU ARE ON FUCKING FACEBOOK BECAUSE YOUR LIFE SUCKS BIG TIME!

( and if you are on facebook because someone hired you to do so, your life sucks even more; 
imagine being employed to document someone else's fabulous life or to spy on other people's liveswhile you put your own life on hold, how pathetic is that??)



So.

Now that we agree you are on facebook because your life sucks, what are you gonna do about it?


I have an easy, three-step solution for you:

1. Admit it.

Say out loud '' My life sucks, that's why I'm on Facebook.''

And reflect on it. Feel as pathetic and for as long as you need to.

Then move on to Step No 2.

2.Write a list

of some things you enjoy doing other than spending time on facebook.

hint: if it includes an activity outsides the four walls of your own home or interacting with other human or non-human beings face-to-face ( yeah, aliens count too) or both the above combined, then by all means include it in your list.

3. Pick an item from your listand go do it

Now.

Whenever an overwhelming desire to be on facebook hits you hard, repeat the aforementioned three steps.

( do not omit the first step , it's the most important)



If you follow this simple plan  I swear to you that within a fortnight or even sooner your life will stop sucking big time.

Because there is nothing that contributes more to a happy life than actually living it.


Go unsuck your life.

Actually live it.

After a while you might even notice that there will be other people -your friends, foes, acquantances, virtual assistants, the whole fucking world in fact- that 'd be talking and perhaps documenting and posting your life on facebook instead of you.


Why? 

Because  you'd be actually living your life instead of living it precariously through facebook and you'd be a source of inspiration for the world too.

Go do it now.

Un-suck your life.

Yes you can.

So can I.


Love and hugs

Eirini
  



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